A Sad 'Merry Christmas'
by HerEyes
Summary: Santana didn't know at one point they went from talking every day to where they're now. Barely saying two words. Two-Shot
1. Chapter 1

She was more likely falling slowly and deep in love with her best friend, maybe that was why it hurt so much. And the lack of communication between them wasn't helping either.

Santana knew the moment she heard them singing, the moment she saw them looking into each others eyes, she knew that she had lost any type of hope that had begun to emerge within her. It was highly possible that it would be like that anyway, but she hoped.

She saw how Quinn acted all cozy and lovely next to that poor attempt of man that was Puck. And she could never understand why him. After all that had happened Quinn should have never got back with him, but apparently her friend was still just as stupid as ever.

Anyone was better for her than Puck, he wasn't right for her, so why Quinn couldn't see it?

So she couldn't understand why everyone seemed so fond about the idea of them together again, it was simply stupid. It was sick.

It's not like with this trip back home of all her fellows from Glee she was expecting something from her friend. She knew first hand that you could never expect something from Quinn. But maybe, just maybe, there was a window open for her. Because despite of everything, and despite that it had been over a year since that night they shared together on Will's failed wedding. They always talked with each other, day and night. Sometimes even in more than just a friendly way.

That's what gave Santana hope, they've been talked everyday since that 14 of february. Hell they even seemed to be into some kind of distance relationship or something. If Quinn wasn't the one calling or texting Santana, it was the other way around.

Her friendship was gradually growing, and so Santana's feelings.

She didn't know if it was all on her mind, but Santana could swear that on several times Quinn flirted with her. Even sometimes suggesting a visit to a hotel for a three-time thing. But Santana being Santana didn't paid attention to that, she didn't think she meant it either, and she didn't know if she was willing to lose another friendship for jump into the sex ship. Santana didn't want to risk losing all the progress with her friend either by just saying something stupid. Something like 'I would love to'.

Still so, she hoped.

She thought that maybe she could have a chance with her. A chance to treat her like she really deserves and not like some kind of trophy. A chance to feel her lips again, a chance to touch her body and make her feel right. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Luckily for her, Brittany was by her side all the time. Her other best friend and once girlfriend.

Santana would love to feel now what she felt for her once. There wasn't heartbreaking involved back then, everything was so easy, with Brittany everything was easy.

That's why she spent the last two days in town with her. Just watching disney movies and eating ice cream. She divided herself between Brittany and her mom, avoiding all media to not see a happy picture of Quinn and Puck walking around Lima like a fucking couple.

Santana wonder why. Why Quinn stopped calling or answer her messages. Maybe it was something she said? Maybe Quinn realized Santana's feelings and ran away from her gayness?

It didn't matter though, because there was already some space between them growing that was getting more and more difficult to fix as the time pass.

* * *

When the time finally came, that same morning when she was ready to hop into Kurt's car to get back to New York again, they told her that exact morning that they were staying two more days. Santana sarcastically thought that this trip couldn't get any better. She would had to get back now in a train with ten fat men smelling like homeless.

So she said goodbye to her mom -who couldn't stop asking her what was wrong all the time- and Brittany. They couldn't go to the train station with her so she arrived alone.

And she was kind of grateful when she saw a familiar blonde girl, sitting on a bench and waiting for her train.

Santana shook her head, looking around and wondering where the hell was Puck? Always such a gentleman with the ladies.

She really didn't wanted to see Quinn, less now that they're both alone. Santana just wanted to disappear now, but sadly she couldn't.

So she just lowered her head walking behind that bench Quinn was sitting that she had to walked in order to get to the tickets office.

"You didn't say hello, and you now aren't saying goodbye?" Her subdued voice stopped Santana in her tracks, stopping her body right behind Quinn.

She wonder when the hell Quinn saw her.

Santana swallow, slowly walking around to see her better, to see her face to face. She's going to see her for Rachel so named New York Christmas anyway. A simple goodbye won't kill her.

"I'm not the one who is avoiding" Santana says with a small smile, trying to break the ice and trying to softness Quinn's HBIC face.

But it didn't work, so she just nods. She was dying to ask her where the fuck was her new boyfriend and why he let such a beautiful woman waiting alone here in Lima station, but she just bite her tongue.

She sighed, it wasn't even her place to say something.

"I could say the same" The gorgeous blonde answered him and it took Santana aback.

It was such a lie, but she really wasn't in the mood to argue with her.

"Bye Quinn, see you around" Santana simple said, not even looking at her.

"You're so stupid" Quinn answered her before she could even walk two steps.

Santana turned around to look at her, not quite sure if she heard right or not because why would Quinn call her stupid?

Well again, you never know with Quinn.

"Excuse me?" She softly asked her.

Quinn stood up from the bench with a defiant look and somehow, a sad face. She looked at Santana like trying to say something, but words never came out her mouth.

And strangely enough, Quinn's eyes were in the verge of tears, Santana could tell. And she was dying to just walk those few inches that separated them to wrap her in a big hug, soothing her. She didn't understand why she looks so upset.

_Train to New Heaven 216, first and last call._ A male voice interrupted their conversation.

Quinn lifted up her head, looking intently at Santana, but not saying anything. Her eyes though, were saying thousand of things. But Santana couldn't quite understand one.

Before starting to walk away, Quinn gave Santana one last look, their eyes seemed to speak for them. But too soon for Santana, Quinn was gone, walking to where her train was ready to go.

She just stood there, looking like a fool while the person that nowadays, was driving her crazy, was leaving her confused and with thousands of questions.

What was her fault? Why did she say that?

Santana abruptly shook her head, running a hand through her hair and sighing.

She can't keep doing this anymore.

She can't let one person make her feel like shit. She can't stop herself from living for just one girl.

Now she just needed to make her heart understand that, and everything will get better.

* * *

The night where she was supposed to see her, she didn't.

It was Christmas eve, all of her annoying but so lovable friends from Lima were there. All of them but Quinn.

Santana even hoped, once again, that she could surprise them, making a big Quinn Fabray entrance. But it was nearly 12 am. So she knew that her friend wouldn't be there.

She didn't know who -but she had a really clear idea- told Quinn that she was seeing someone.

A random day that week, Quinn texted Santana.

To say that her heart stopped altogether, it would mean to say very less than what really happened. Because Santana's entire world stopped.

The message though, was anything but happy words.

Quinn just wrote: Congratulations

Santana didn't even think that message needed a reply. And she knew immediately that Rachel Berry had something to do with it.

Who else could be?

It wasn't like Santana was in a relationship or something, she barely liked the girl. But she needed a distraction, and urgent. She needed to get Quinn out of her head and she really wanted to stop feeling like she was dying inside, she wanted to stop want so badly something that could never be hers.

So one night, she met a girl and it just happened, and it's been happening over a month now. Everything was fine, or close to 'fine' at least until Quinn's message.

Quinn text left Santana once again, wondering.

Wondering what the hell was with Quinn lately.

She was expecting to see her that night, but she didn't show up.

* * *

Hours later, when everyone was pretty much drunk and bursting in laughter, she stood up with her phone, walking to the small balcony of their apartment in New York and dialed her number.

She didn't know if it was because she was drunk, or because it was Christmas eve, or because she really missed the other girl's voice, she just knew that she was going to call her.

Santana nervously waited for Quinn to answer her phone.

She's been wondering all night with who she might be in this special day.

Why she didn't just come here with all her friends? It was weird, and she was confused.

After several seconds, Quinn finally answered.

_"Santana"_ Quinn's voice was calm, soft and doubtful.

Santana's eyes closed the moment she heard that voice she loved so much saying her name in such a delicate way.

Maybe it was a mistake call her after all.

"Quinn" She replied back, and if things weren't as tense as they're now, they would be laughing together at their stupidity.

_"What do you want?"_ The other girl asked directly.

It seemed like Santana was hit by a giant rock though. Why Quinn sounded like she would rather be eating rats than talk with her?

Or maybe alcohol was making her more sensitive than normal, it always happens.

"I just wanted to know how you are," Santana is surprised of how honest she sound, again, maybe it was a bad idea call her.

She heard Quinn sighing.

Santana didn't know at one point they went from talking every day to where they're now. Barely saying two words.

_"I can't do this"_ Quinn weakly answered her, but not sounding quite convincing. Almost as if she were fighting with herself to say those words.

"Do what?" She whispered back, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

And just in that moment, when Santana's attention was all in the phone, in the call, listening intently to whatever Quinn was about to say, she heard Puck's voice.

And her heart broke into million pieces because she thought that they wouldn't last this much. She thought that Quinn would realize that Puck wasn't for her. But it seems like she was wrong.

They can't be together, they just can't.

"Are you with Puck?" Santana could be really masochistic sometimes.

And she knew the answer, she just wanted to hear it.

_"Yes, with Puck and my family."_ Santana couldn't hold back the ironic laugh that escaped her lips.

Of course she's with him and her family. What was Santana thinking? She's Quinn Fabray.

This was crazy the moment she thought about it.

"Of course you are" Santana replied, closing her eyes to retain the tears.

She wasn't about to cry for someone who had never been hers in the first place. But her soul was feeling so empty that it was really temting.

She heard once again Quinn taking a deep breath.

All the voices came from afar. Maybe Quinn was on the yard.

_"He's my safe choice"_ Quinn softly said, sounding upset.

And the moment she spoke those words, Santana knew, or suspected something.

But it can't be possible.

Maybe it was everything on Santana's mind again.

Could Quinn be with Puck against her heart?

"What the hell does that even mean?" She asked exasperated.

_"It means that I will not get hurt with him."_ Quinn added and Santana was lost, she didn't know to where Quinn was going with those words.

Hearing her voice so sad though, broke Santana's heart again.

Why she kept listing to her anyway? Santana wanted to just end the call, but at the same time, she wanted to hear that voice. As long as possible.

They used to even fall asleep listing to each other's voice. Santana couldn't even count how many times she stayed late at night to just hear Quinn breathing, fast asleep on the other side.

But those times were gone, and she didn't even know why.

_"You're a different story."_ Quinn voice cracked after those words, and so Santana's heart.

She thought about everything, over and over again and she asked herself what does that meant.

But before she could even ask anything, Quinn ended the call.

Santana stood still, analyzing every word and wondering what the fuck was that before heading back inside with her heart and soul completly broken.

What a nice Christmas eve.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been about five days since Santana made that call and heard her voice. But surely felt like a lot more.

There wasn't more calls, text or messages. They were just acting as if the other never existed. And of course, it killed Santana. Even more now that a new year was coming and they were finishing like that.

Things shouldn't be like the way they were.

But what could she possible do? Nothing

Because Quinn was as straight as a rule and as sturbonn as herself.

Quinn had been always difficult to read, and it wasn't the exception now.

Not to mention Puck. Santana truly believed that he shouldn't even breathe.

"Are you going to live your life anytime soon?" Rachel asked Santana once she entered their apartment, looking at Santana with sympathetic eyes while she just buried herself even more on the couch.

To all of Santana's friends, the brunette seemed to be out of her lately. They didn't know why though, and Santana wasn't about to tell them either.

"Are you always this nosy?"

What a stupid question was that? Of course she wanted to live her life. She was young, free and living in one of the most beautiful and big cities of the whole world. She really wanted to be happy and rip the pain off her soul. But how? When the only girl that she had ever want was right now with someone else, someone who wasn't her.

Brittany was her girlfriend for years, and yes, she loved her. But not in the way lovers should love.

Even when she was in a serious relationship with Brittany, her eyes always managed to look a certain blonde with unique hazel eyes, perfect features and gorgeous body.

Quinn was consuming her from the inside, ever since High School.

So when it finally happened, Santana was flying.

Quinn's kisses and body was her new addiction. It was a powerful drug that she could only taste once. Sadly. The taste and warm of Quinn's tongue was something she had never experienced before. Quinn was unique. In all ways.

"She's coming for New Year, you know." Rachel's words brought Santana back to reality.

It took her several seconds to realize of 'whom' they were talking about.

Because Rachel's nosy skills were almost always right. Santana was even sure that Rachel knew about her and Quinn sexcapade on Will's wedding because lately, it seemed like Rachel and Quinn were some kind of bff or some stupid shit, so she should know the impact Quinn had over her.

"Who?" She asked of all forms, just to be sure.

Rachel looked at Santana like analyzing her, something that bothered the other girl "Quinn" Rachel casually said before heading to the kitchen.

Santana knew Rachel was talking about Quinn but she was still surprised when she heard her name.

Was Quinn really coming to spend New Year with them? Is she really going to see Quinn in less than two days?

It was starting to form a smile on Santana's face but before this even happened, her face changed completely.

She stood up from the couch to follow Rachel.

"Is she coming with Puck?"

"They broke up the other day. If you could even call that a 'break up' because they never started something" Rachel said with a playful tone. Almost as if she were teasing Santana.

Santana stopped walking, confusing.

The problem wasn't that Rachel knew a little too much. That was something really common. But, why Quinn made Santana believe that she was in fact, into some kind of relationship with Puck then, telling her how she choose him because it was her safe option or some bullshit.

And so now, according to the short brunette, they never started something?

It was stupid, and Santana was confused.

Then why the fuck they were acting like a a lovely couple in front of everyone?

As a matter of fact, Quinn always made sure that some eyes were on her everytime before kissing him, almost like saying in everyone's face that they were back together.

She even invited Puck for Christmas eve with her family for fuck's sake. Santana thought that was something just boyfriends and girlfriends do.

"Close your mouth." Rachel walked by her side but not before playful pat her shoulder.

She closed her mouth without move.

She didn't get why Quinn ran into Puck's arms the moment they saw each other if she never felt something.

Santana knew very well the deep connection Puck and Quinn shared, it is something that Santana could never change. But she would never understand, what the fuck Quinn saw in him?

She was just glad that it was over, _again._

Santana sighed, leaning on the kitchen table.

At least Quinn was going to be there for New Year. And maybe things could go back to normal between them now with Puck out of the picture.

Not that Santana wanted things to go back to normal, if anything, she wanted things to never be normal again. Because she only wanted Quinn in one way.

* * *

It was already 20:30 pm and she wasn't nervous, not at all. That was what Santana kept saying to herself.

Those two days didn't go as fast as she would wanted. Minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like an entire day.

But today was the day.

She would finally see Quinn. Though she didn't know if it was okay to even say hello after their last conversation. But she was going to take a risk. She really missed the girl and couldn't take any other day without knowing about her.

So when the doorbell sounded, her heart stopped beating altogether, because everyone that was going to be there, were already there. Everyone but Quinn.

Santana took a deep breath and started to walk towards the door. Everyone was talking in the kitchen and she was the only one inside, waiting for this special woman to arrive.

She was extremely nervous thought, her hands were sweating and she felt her heart beating in her ear.

She grabbed the door handle and after a few seconds, she gained courage and finally opened it.

And there Quinn was, looking gorgeous as always in a red dress.

She looked exceptionally beautiful.

Santana breath hitched.

"Hey" Santana said after a few seconds.

Quinn was just standing there watching her intently, her eyes were glued on Santana's.

Santana wondered though, why Quinn was looking at her as if she were ready to kill her. She was giving Santana her well-known Quinn Fabray defiant look with her perfect raised eyebrow, and she really didn't know why.

Quinn didn't say anything and just walked in.

Santana stood still, with many mixed emotions and questions.

What was Quinn problem now?

* * *

Dinner was good.

A stupidly expensive wine brought by Mercedes was good.

The company was more than good -just for one person-

The view for the fireworks that were about to explode in all New York was good.

While making dinner, she even cut her finger for staring at Quinn when she bent down to pick up something, showing her so nice legs. But she was good.

Everything was good.

So why then, she kept feeling like shit? Why she kept feeling so empty and sad?

Maybe it was for Quinn not so friendly greeting hours earlier.

Or maybe were the stolen glances between them every single minute. Leaving Santana even more confused.

Maybe was Rachel and her big mouth talking about love all the time while eating dinner.

Or maybe it was just the fact that despite that Quinn was there, Santana didn't feel like she was. Because she was still ignoring her.

It wasn't a great time to get lost. But she stood up nonetheless.

She always thought that couldn't be something more sad than spend New Year alone. But she just didn't want to be there with all those happy human beings and with Quinn there. So she just disappeared from the group that was anxious waiting for those ten minutes left to New Year on the balcony.

She took her glass of wine walking inside to the kitchen, she definitely wasn't in the mood to be around her friends. Besides they were all excited talking about who knows what, so no one would know she wasn't there.

Santana just couldn't take Quinn indifference anymore.

The description of Quinn being hot and cold was accurate. Because Santana didn't know what to think anymore.

First, they slept together. Not even in thousand years Santana thought that it could be possible.

Then they started to talk often until they were speaking with each other everyday and every minute of the day, with Quinn occasionally flirting with her.

They used to sent each other messages all day, but they always called to say good night. It felt really nice for Santana, hearing the girl's voice every night. Hearing her yawn or simply hearing her sleeping.

But suddenly, Quinn stopped calling and stopped reply to every text.

Santana never knew why.

Quinn didn't say anything. And Santana didn't do anything to upset the girl, so it was pretty much a mystery.

And she thought once again, why the hell Quinn was so complicated to read.

Back home, the first rumor that came to her ears was that Puck was trying once again to get into Quinn's pants.

And she let him, apparently.

That was what made Santana feel like shit. The thought of Puck's hands and _dick_ -maybe- touching Quinn.

It definitely wasn't something nice to watch nor to think.

Why Quinn couldn't understand that she was so much better than him? Than any guy actually.

Santana would never understand why Quinn always needed to have a stupid douchebag by her side. What was she trying to prove?

She wasn't thinking that Quinn should be with her either, it was stupid just to think about it, because Quinn for all she knew, was straight. She just wanted her to realize that Puck wasn't for her.

And luckily, it seemed like she did realize. Because here she was, without Puck, enjoying herself and her friends.

"What are you doing here alone?"

Even her voice sounded perfect in her ears.

Santana turned around to meet hazel eyes. And it was kinda fascinating and frustrating of how every single time that she looked at Quinn she managed to take Santana's breath away.

"I didn't want to be outside" She shrugged and Quinn frowned, the cutest frown Santana had ever seen.

"Fireworks are about to-"

"Explode, I know" She interrupted Quinn. And she really didn't want to sound like that, but words just came out of her mouth sounding bitter.

Quinn looked at Santana for several seconds, straight into her eyes.

She wondered what was this? What was Quinn playing at?

She didn't even say hello when she arrived and now she suddenly was asking Santana why she was here alone?

"What is your problem?" Quinn asked irritated,

_Really_?

"What is my problem? What is _your_ problem Quinn" Santana fully turned her body around for a better angled, leaning on the kitchen table while Quinn was giving her all her attention with the same cute frown. "Why are you even talking to me?" Santana took a sip of wine.

Her eyes never leaving Quinn.

Santana thought that all this scene was actually kind of funny. But she definitely wasn't in the mood to laugh.

"I can't talk to you now?"

"Well it's weird after pretty much being ignored by you."

"I'm not ignoring you" Quinn said rather upset while approaching a little. And Santana got kind of nervous.

But why was she even approaching? They weren't talking with each other, since a long time. And all because Quinn decided herself.

"You're ignoring me, don't lie."

"No I'm not." Quinn quickly said "Well maybe, I was" She softly finished.

And God if It was so freaking easy to fall for Quinn sweet voice.

It was all Quinn's faulter and her parents. Why her parents had to make her daughter so damn perfect?

Quinn shook her head before speaking again, sighing.

"How is your finger anyway?" Quinn's hand took Santana's, where a white small bandage was covering her finger.

It had been so long since any kind of physical contact between them. Santana was lost in just seconds with Quinn's softness and sweetness.

Besides, her friend was so close to her that she could even smell her intoxicating perfume.

"Why are you being so nice to me now?" Santana asked in a low voice, not wanting to upset the other girl because it could mean that she could step back, and she really didn't want that. Even if she knew that all of this was more likely just a game for her friend.

Quinn's fingers started to play with Santana's hand after analyzing her injured finger. And it all began to be a little too much for Santana. The pale and delicate fingers slowly caressed all her hand, taking her time for evey touch.

"Because I care about you," Quinn whispered, and Santana didn't know if she heard right.

But her heart melt, however.

Quinn's hand kept playing with Santana's and her skin was began to burn with every soft touch, but in a pleasant way.

"Rachel just told me you stopped seeing that girl. Is it true?" Santana wasn't sure why was Quinn asking her that just now. This girl was like a difficult puzzle impossible to solve.

Besides she ended things with that girl a few days ago, it was strange that Rachel took so long to inform that to everyone, her friend was the bigger gossip of all the times.

"Yes, why?" She answered and unconsciously looked down at Quinn's lips that only seemed to get closer to her as the seconds pass.

She looked then, how Quinn's lips started to get big, showing a beautiful smile on her face. That same smile, that always managed to make Santana's heart skip a beat.

Then she watched amazed how Quinn captured her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I just didn't know." Quinn shook her head, stepping once again, a little closer with a smile still on her face.

She wondered if Quinn was into some stupid game to prove just how much Santana could take this closeness before losing herself. Because it was getting really hard.

She was taken aback when Quinn grabbed her hand, the one she was touching to put it around her waist, leaning even closer. Santana's eyes got big and her nervousness increased. Then Quinn took Santana's other hand to put it around her waist as well, leaving Santana breathless and without knowing what the hell was happening.

She was fighting with the urge to close her eyes, because feeling Quinn's slim body in her arms again was just fantastic, overwhelming.

"Why you ignored me?" Santana asked in a whisper. "What's your problem lately Quinn?"

Quinn's arms lifted up, encircling Santana's neck.

And according to Santana, they sure as hell looked like a couple about to kiss. She didn't understand anything.

Because Quinn wouldn't like her in that way, right?

She wasn't complaining at all though, quite the opposite. She was enjoying every second of it.

"You." Quinn whispered back with her eyes full of something so intense behind them, with a gorgeous shine "You're my problem" She softly said, staring at Santana's lips and leaning in.

And Santana kind of freaked out.

She was almost one hundred percent sure that Quinn was about to kiss her. And God if she did want to, but with all the weirdness between them still in the air, she wanted to ask.

Nonetheless, she was going to kiss Quinn. Because she was offering it, apparently. And she just couldn't deny her that.

Quinn's hand started to gently touch her cheek, and Santana just closed her eyes, tightened her hold on Quinn's waist. She wasn't sure of how many times she dreamed about this moment, about having her this close against her body. Santana was definitely dreaming. And she sighed when Quinn's delicate and soft fingers touched her lips, caressing it with her thumb.

"You know, I'm not going to let this year finish without kissing you." Quinn whispered against her lips.

Her warm and sweet breath was the last thing Santana felt, before feeling the world softer lips on her own again.

It was just a sweet, open mouth peck at first. But still, Santana didn't know a kiss could feel so good.

What the hell was with Quinn's lips? They were perfect.

This girl was definitely something else. She was everything.

Quinn's lips started to move against Santana's and they quickly began to catch up with all the need, all the want they felt for each other. Santana's arms were bringing Quinn even closer to her, without leaving any space. Her breast was touching Quinn's breast, their bodies were glued on each other, and even so, it wasn't enough for Santana.

Quinn's hands were firmly placed on her face while their tongues meet, and she couldn't hold back a whimper.

Quinn couldn't either.

She remembered well enough how this perfect girl's tongue taste. But it was still something so new to Santana. It was otherworldly.

Their mouths kept moving against each other for several seconds, they were wrapped in a whole new world.

Santana captured Quinn's bottom lip in between her own, making the other girl heavily sigh. She could feel Quinn smile against her lips, provoking something incredibly deep within her.

Santana thought that this was how a kiss should feel like.

The air at some point, wasn't enough and they had to pull away from each other, but of course, not completely. They were still embracing each other. Her lips kept brushing against each other with Santana pecking Quinn's lips occasionally, feeling and enjoying Quinn's warm body against her own.

Santana planted one last long peck in her mouth before pulling slightly away.

Quinn smiled at her, with her eyes half open half closed, and Santana couldn't help but smile back, it was impossible not to smile at this beautiful girl.

Just then, they heard her friends scream the countdown to New Year.

Santana didn't know how long has passed, but she wouldn't change one second. She was right where she wanted to be.

_"5!"_

_"4!"_

"And I'm going to start this new year, kissing you as well." Quinn happily said with a big smile before closing the gap between them once again.

Santana was happy.

All the pain was worth it. Because after all, it seemed like Quinn liked her back, and that was all that she wanted.


End file.
